dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
