It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
