I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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