i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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