I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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