Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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