Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
