i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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