Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
