U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
