Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
