if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
