What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
