we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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