Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Who wears a wallet chain?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
