with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
