Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize