Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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