Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
