We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
FUCK WHALES
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
