i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
