I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
