Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
