You smell like stripper and shame
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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