im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Life is so much better after having sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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