Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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