I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
