It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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