Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
