the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
