my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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