I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
