Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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