I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
