Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
