so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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