so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize