1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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