i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
