Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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