I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize