I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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