when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize