Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
