Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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