In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
