I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
