didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
