Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You are the jesus of drinking
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
