I'm jealous of your bromance
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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