What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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