Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
