wat bout pragnant strippers??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i think im in europe. pls send help
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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