just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You may now shotgun with the bride
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
