Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
