I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
