every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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