addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
