He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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