I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
