This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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