So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
