Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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