I bet he comes in French.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
