Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
