you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
