Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
