I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
