dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
