Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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