My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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