I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just invented taco cereal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
