i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
