PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
