Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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