walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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